S04E08: Patrick SmartPants / SquidBob TentaclePants

“Robert, my dear…”

Original Airdates: October 21 / November 4, 2005

There is something sad to the fact that, by Season 4, the glory days of Patrick in particular are long gone. He always walked such a tightrope in the show’s best years, which I think is a testament to how coherent the show’s vision of him is: he’s stupid, but in a way that is so roundabout that it loops back around into something strangely intellectual. He’s a character with the sort of brain to say, “The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma,” while only being able to conjure the image of spilled milk. By Season 4, though, those more writerly leanings began to falter, and while I am generally quite receptive to the show modifying its characters in little ways as the writing staff evolves and forges their own take on the show, Patrick has found himself hit by these changes the hardest. For most of the years to come, he’s simply… stupid. No frills stupid. Sometimes insultingly so. And while that can work in the right episode if his stupidity is properly balanced against other characters and plugged into an interesting dynamic, when it’s simply treated as a comedic tool, it has a tendency to feel very lazy or obnoxious. 

S04E07: Enemy In-Law / Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy VI: The Motion Picture

“Such beauty! She’s an angel, and no wires!” 

Original Airdates: October 14 / October 7, 2005

As I’ve mentioned every time he’s appeared so far this season—which has been shockingly often, it feels—I adore Plankton. He’s kind of a fool-proof character; even in very weak episodes of the show, it’s not hard for him to squeeze at least a few laughs from me. I think a lot of that is a testament to how much control Mr. Lawrence has over the guy, as both Plankton’s voice actor and a writer who can vouch for the character’s best interests and ensure that his plots and goings-on feel true to how he’s always been. With that being said, for as solid as he remains across the show’s run, his episodes aren’t always the most individually memorable. They can bleed together very easily; mad scientist doohickey this, tricking SpongeBob that. Where an episode like “Enemy In-Law” has value, then, is that it gives him an exciting new context to thrive in where he is undeniably himself, but navigating a story that feels more original and memorable—a story of unexpected love with, of all characters, Krabs’ mom.

S04E06: Dunces and Dragons

“Wow, the boys back home will never believe this!” “I’m right here and I don’t believe it!”

Original Airdate: February 20, 2006

Only a mere three months after the show’s last double-length episode, SpongeBob deemed it necessary to take another crack at telling a more comprehensive story. Loyal readers may remember that, for the relatively secure place “Have You Seen My Snail?” has within the online community, it’s not an episode I’m particularly high on; I found its melodrama to be too maudlin, and yet too uncommitted to its own emotionality, leading to an episode that wants to emotionally bait you without ever really believing in its own narrative. “Dunces and Dragons” feels more crafted for its runtime in a way that should play to the show’s strengths: its idea feels suitable for the longer treatment, being a proper adventure with an actual narrative, but instead of trying to create an emotionally compelling story, its sole aim is to be a comedic story. And that’s very attainable! Sadly, while I don’t think this is a particularly disastrous or conflicted episode, it’s not a very strong one either; while the fresh layer of paint lends it some fleeting intrigue, it’s yet another by-the-number entry into a by-the-numbers season.

S04E05: Selling Out / Funny Pants

“Sincere service… with a smile!”

Original Airdates: September 23 / September 30, 2005

SpongeBob is rarely a show that has much of a message to it, but I’ve always been fascinated by its occasional episodes that were penned with more pointed intent. Such is the case with “Selling Out,” which may not have much of a reputation among fans as either a funny or notable episode, but it strikes me as an interesting artistic statement. It’s widely-known that Hillenburg did not see much point in continuing the show beyond its three seasons and a movie, while acknowledging that, as Nickelodeon’s cash cow, its continuation was inevitable. While it was never as much a matter of bad blood as certain people online might make you think for the sake of telling some sort of damning narrative, I have to wonder if that sentiment, between the public and the privacy of the show’s creative team, was swirling around, and that the show, internally, felt some desire to address it. I see “Selling Out” as coded in such a way: with SpongeBob at a bit of an uncertain crossroads, this is the show saying that it will remain true to itself and everything that it’s always been about—a product of integrity, and not just an unkillable cash-grab.

“Selling Out” revolves around Krabs relinquishing the Krusty Krab to a wealthy business magnet—named, very on-the-nosely, Howard Blandy—who transforms the establishment into a franchise restaurant, Krabby O’Mondays, whose friendly atmosphere belies its abject soullessness. There’s pennants and kitsch from wall-to-wall; they pride themselves on “service with a smile,” and a refusal to cooperate leads to a pummeling from H.R.; and in lieu of a grill, Krabby Patties are now synthetic, molded from a disturbing gray goo without even a smidge of human (sponge?) touch. Squidward and SpongeBob are powerless cogs in the machine, which places Mr. Krabs in an interesting position when, fatigued by his tedious life of retirement, he decides to get a job there as a busboy.

S04E04: Skill Crane / Good Neighbors

“At a quarter a pop, this thing’ll pay for itself in no time…”

Original Airdate: May 20, 2005

Two episodes, both alike in dignity… Shakespeare was a big SpongeBob guy, right? I have it on good authority that Macbeth was based on “Band Geeks.” But yes, this week we’ve got two episodes that both have the same general concept: Squidward, almost unequivocally, cannot catch a break and will forever be destined for failure. The bad news is that one of those episodes does not work; the good news, though, is that the other one really does!

I’ll just get it out of the way right: I love “Skill Crane.” I always have, and always will. The premise is simple: Mr. Krabs installs a new claw machine as a means of making some spare change at the Krusty Krab, and in a matter of moments, it sends Squidward into the deepest throes of addiction and mania as he fails, over and over, to be anything more than the loser that the machine declares him. There is some cosmic brand of cruelty baked into the premise which these years can struggle to justify, admittedly—Squidward can’t catch a break, while SpongeBob proceeds to reap its riches with minimal effort—but what makes it work here, more than so many other episodes that simply exist to spite him, is that Squidward is his own undoing. Sure, SpongeBob’s repeated success are like knives in his back, but SpongeBob’s happiness is entirely independent; he’s just living his life, enjoying all of his prizes from the skill crane, while Squidward sacrifices everything he owns (including the deed to his house) out of the desperation for even a single win.