S04E06: Dunces and Dragons

“Wow, the boys back home will never believe this!” “I’m right here and I don’t believe it!”

Original Airdate: February 20, 2006

Only a mere three months after the show’s last double-length episode, SpongeBob deemed it necessary to take another crack at telling a more comprehensive story. Loyal readers may remember that, for the relatively secure place “Have You Seen My Snail?” has within the online community, it’s not an episode I’m particularly high on; I found its melodrama to be too maudlin, and yet too uncommitted to its own emotionality, leading to an episode that wants to emotionally bait you without ever really believing in its own narrative. “Dunces and Dragons” feels more crafted for its runtime in a way that should play to the show’s strengths: its idea feels suitable for the longer treatment, being a proper adventure with an actual narrative, but instead of trying to create an emotionally compelling story, its sole aim is to be a comedic story. And that’s very attainable! Sadly, while I don’t think this is a particularly disastrous or conflicted episode, it’s not a very strong one either; while the fresh layer of paint lends it some fleeting intrigue, it’s yet another by-the-number entry into a by-the-numbers season.

S04E05: Selling Out / Funny Pants

“Sincere service… with a smile!”

Original Airdates: September 23 / September 30, 2005

SpongeBob is rarely a show that has much of a message to it, but I’ve always been fascinated by its occasional episodes that were penned with more pointed intent. Such is the case with “Selling Out,” which may not have much of a reputation among fans as either a funny or notable episode, but it strikes me as an interesting artistic statement. It’s widely-known that Hillenburg did not see much point in continuing the show beyond its three seasons and a movie, while acknowledging that, as Nickelodeon’s cash cow, its continuation was inevitable. While it was never as much a matter of bad blood as certain people online might make you think for the sake of telling some sort of damning narrative, I have to wonder if that sentiment, between the public and the privacy of the show’s creative team, was swirling around, and that the show, internally, felt some desire to address it. I see “Selling Out” as coded in such a way: with SpongeBob at a bit of an uncertain crossroads, this is the show saying that it will remain true to itself and everything that it’s always been about—a product of integrity, and not just an unkillable cash-grab.

“Selling Out” revolves around Krabs relinquishing the Krusty Krab to a wealthy business magnet—named, very on-the-nosely, Howard Blandy—who transforms the establishment into a franchise restaurant, Krabby O’Mondays, whose friendly atmosphere belies its abject soullessness. There’s pennants and kitsch from wall-to-wall; they pride themselves on “service with a smile,” and a refusal to cooperate leads to a pummeling from H.R.; and in lieu of a grill, Krabby Patties are now synthetic, molded from a disturbing gray goo without even a smidge of human (sponge?) touch. Squidward and SpongeBob are powerless cogs in the machine, which places Mr. Krabs in an interesting position when, fatigued by his tedious life of retirement, he decides to get a job there as a busboy.

S04E04: Skill Crane / Good Neighbors

“At a quarter a pop, this thing’ll pay for itself in no time…”

Original Airdate: May 20, 2005

Two episodes, both alike in dignity… Shakespeare was a big SpongeBob guy, right? I have it on good authority that Macbeth was based on “Band Geeks.” But yes, this week we’ve got two episodes that both have the same general concept: Squidward, almost unequivocally, cannot catch a break and will forever be destined for failure. The bad news is that one of those episodes does not work; the good news, though, is that the other one really does!

I’ll just get it out of the way right: I love “Skill Crane.” I always have, and always will. The premise is simple: Mr. Krabs installs a new claw machine as a means of making some spare change at the Krusty Krab, and in a matter of moments, it sends Squidward into the deepest throes of addiction and mania as he fails, over and over, to be anything more than the loser that the machine declares him. There is some cosmic brand of cruelty baked into the premise which these years can struggle to justify, admittedly—Squidward can’t catch a break, while SpongeBob proceeds to reap its riches with minimal effort—but what makes it work here, more than so many other episodes that simply exist to spite him, is that Squidward is his own undoing. Sure, SpongeBob’s repeated success are like knives in his back, but SpongeBob’s happiness is entirely independent; he’s just living his life, enjoying all of his prizes from the skill crane, while Squidward sacrifices everything he owns (including the deed to his house) out of the desperation for even a single win.

S04E03: Have You Seen This Snail?

“Dear Neptune, what have I done?” “What do you mean? You drove him away. It’s right there in black and white.”

Original Airdate: November 11, 2005

Only three episodes into my watch-through and we’ve finally hit not just our first double-length episode, but also our first major milestone of the season: I’d say “Have You Seen This Snail?” is one of the more fondly-remembered post-movie outings for the show, to the degree that I feel it’s been regarded as a bit of a classic. It's a reflection of just how well the show’s propensity for “specials” worked: I have vivid memories of how aggressively they were advertised, and how much viewers were sold on the idea of bearing witness to something, well, special. To my five year-old mind, it felt like event television, and even when they were rerun, that exciting feeling of it being like a shooting star which you’d be a fool to miss remained. But I now look back on it as something that reeks of network mandating: “We gotta create artificial hype around our cash cow to keep it feeling special!” While there are some great episodes that exceed the usual 11-minute runtime (“Christmas Who” being the biggest example), I don’t think it’s something the show was ever able to fully crack, not even in its best seasons. (“The Sponge Who Could Fly” and “Ugh” might be the biggest dogs of the show’s early years, in my opinion.) SpongeBob exists to be frenetic, fast-paced, and light; giving it more time to stretch out absolves it of those strengths almost entirely. Subsequently, this might be a hot take, but I don’t think “Have You Seen This Snail?” is that great of an episode, however effortful it may be.

S04E02: The Lost Mattress / Krabs vs. Plankton

“ALL MY MONEY WAS IN THAT MATTRESS!” “WHAT?? HAVEN’T YOU HEARD OF A BANK??” “NOOOO!!”

Original Airdate: May 13, 2005

While I understand why “Fear of a Krabby Patty” and “Shell of a Man” were chosen to lead off this season, a part of me wonders if that pairing would be better served if “The Lost Mattress” served as a chaser: it’s not an amazing episode, but it’s got a nice, easygoing feel while spotlighting more of the cast we’ve come to love. It’s been a bizarrely Krabs-centric start to the season—which even continues to the fourth episode that we’ll get onto momentarily—but in the case of “The Lost Mattress,” he’s merely a catalyst for a little slapstick nonsense with SpongeBob, Patrick (welcome to S4, buddy!), and Squidward. Is there a sense that the character dynamics here are a little warmed-over? For sure. We’ve seen this rapport between the trio dozens of times, and there’s dozens more instances of it to come. But the cozy familiarity, with some nice snap to the writing, makes this feel like the first episode of the season so far that’s been able to sustain itself, and go about at a fun pace without any awkward or halting moments.